VOLUME ONE - ISSUE TWO
Video Jerks Customer
04.05.2012


I convinced Walter to stop by Video Jerks on the way back to my condo. Walt is my favorite "Harold Senior Freedom Van" driver. Usually, they are only allowed to take us to our destination and back home, but since I was the only one on the bus and Walt doesn't necessarily always follow the rules (WINK), he obliged me. I was so smoothed out from teaching my "Senior Sensual Massage" class that he had to wake me up from a nap when we got there.

I rushed to the "New Release" wall and saw that "The Ides of March" had been released on video. I grabbed the last copy, and headed back to the van.

When I inserted the smooth, circular disc into my player, I felt a tingle up and down my spine. I've been a George Clooney fan since the original "E.R" (the Elliott Gould sit-com, not that NBC horseshit) and I have been curious about this nubile Ryan Gosling that all the ladies have been talking about at my, "Sex after 70" class.

"The Ides of March" is set behind the scenes of a fictitious Democratic presidential primary. It explores the dirty deals (WINK) and compromises made by men running for President

I have to say that I was disappointed with George Clooney's performance. He's become too complacent, too smug, too (If I dare...do I dare? Yes, I dare) too cock-sure (WINK).

Sorry ladies, Ryan Gosling isn't horrible looking or anything, but I can't imagine him getting past my C-list showerhead massager fantasies (WINK). He's got a mopey lip, and nothing puts out my carnal fires faster than a mopey lip.

The real sexpots of this motion picture are Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman. The sexual tension between these two are intoxicating. I was swooning in my easy chair so much, I thought I had taken too much of blood pressure medication.

They appear onscreen together only once. They look knowing at each other from across the debate stage. I can tell it takes everything for them to not throw down their business papers, run across the stage and embrace. I would assume that would lead to Greco-Roman wrestling and some cuddling.

I spent the rest of the movie hoping that they would appear together again and take their rivalry "to the mat" so to speak, but alas the movie went in a different direction (namely about this brainless waif who obviously has never heard of 'the pill'.)

I don't recommend "The Ides of March" except for that one scene with Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman. I do recommend that you get your computer hacker grandson to get something called a "screencap" for your spank bank.

Video Jerks would like to congratulate Lottie Hensley on her recent pictorial in "Oversexed Seniors Magazine". It's available at the Harold Book Carnival, if you ask for it by name.

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